It was not that I was always like this, but one fine day I thought, well why not, after all most of the people are like that anyways. So I donned on this mantle of being the impatient bloke who wont be the first to lay down, the first to compromise. Impatient, cos I didnt wanted to undure the pain and more so, I wanted things to be resolved fast; if it has to, it better be fast or else I dont bother.
Not that it was easy to be this way, like getting rid of any other habit, and adopting other, is a painful exercise, so was the case here. I would think, well whats the point in being this way, it doesnt make yougreat nor the other person small. But perhaps, in my case, the point was never about feeling great or making someone feel small; point was not to make oneself feel victimized. Cos' U may bend down thinking, well its not a big deal; but others, they dont look at it that way. They think you are too soft, they start taking you for granted. Humbleness and humility were never the cherished virtues anyway, they were in fact bookish qualities, qualities you always find much appreciated in books but seldom witnessed exercised.
Anyways, I started being the way majority are, life seemed so useless initially, afterall these were in direct contrast to the way life and its philosophy had been so far. But then I realized, life always felt like that, even in cases when people didnt acted according to the philosophy; my philosophy of life which laid so much emphasis on these bookish virtues. And gradually, I started feeling more at ease with this change, so much so that I sort of not adopted it but also absorbed it. The other, earlier theoretical, ideal philosophy; it seemed as though it was never a part of me. In fact, in due course of time, I even forgot about existance in books. I became the true citizen of the world, the way most of us are. Obviously, being in harmony with the rest meant that there were now lesser conflicts of self and otherwise and soon I grew inert to conflicts. They might have tried to occur a few times, but they got suppressed, first forcefully and then naturally.
Now I am happy, I am comfortable, nothing in the world worries me anymore, I think I have attained Nirvana of sort, all the things and happenings that bothered or displeased me before, are no longer a cause of worry. Yes, this must be Nirvana, cos it took penance of a different kind, after all to be able to give up your natural ways, isn't that as creditable a task as penance of any form.
And this thought gives me immense satisfaction, cos now I see the point why everyone else aspires to be this way. After all mankind will probably be saved from lots of misery, if all can think and believe this way. Since the transformation is already in place, I being the latest beneficiary, I get this feeling that it not far when the world will go back to being the harmonious world it always should have been, it always wanted to be.
